How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Randomize
