I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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