how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
