Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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