using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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