I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
