I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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