I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
