All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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