Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
