420 ftw
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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