she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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