I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
