I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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