I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
