I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Holy shit dude........stairs
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
