Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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