Midget sex pt 2 tonight
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
