8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
