So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
