Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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