Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
