and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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