sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
