I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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