The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
