Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
