Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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