that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
