I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
