Only a mothe r could love this liver
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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