was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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