I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
