I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
