i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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