Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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