how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
