Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
