I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
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