it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
