I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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