you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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