i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
