Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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