my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
