While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Someone came in the potted fern
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
