I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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