If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
