she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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