i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
